"This is fucking insane!" Was all I could say to him in any logical manner,without feeling out at just how hyped the film was, and yet I knew I'd later have to try to keep objectivity in a review. He agreed, and seeing we were online a half-hour early, it was amazing how lucky we felt to be as close as we were. We did get great seats, despite the long line, and we sat down to the barrage of commercials that have littered the screen. We ignored these as I sipped on my soda, and sat, astonished at the plethora of people who have shown up in such pocketed demographics to this film. The generation gaps were staggering enough that you'd sweat it was a Star Wars Episode Seven: The Force Awakens viewing.
The lights dimmed, and the sound stayed relatively low, which seems to be the new gig most theaters do nowadays, where you have to strain just to hear the damn thing. Even the explosions were barely audible, but the film itself was tolerable, but the worst part of the experience. The now infamous Marvel logo came up with the comic pages flapping across in the background, a once dire prophetic animation that meant a shitty movie would commence shortly, now perhaps the most-watched opening of a film franchise in history.
A series of pan ins and outs on a single image that defines a good opening portion of the film is enough to get the crowd rumbling, and I knew now that love or hate, this film would redefine the success of a movie in the month of February, and be a massive middle finger to the studio that wanted it to fail out of the gates. Fuck you, Fox! Deadpool has arrived, and that over bloated budget for X-Men: Apocaplyse is looking pretty fucking terrifying right now.
Deadpool is the infamous "Merc with a Mouth." He's beloved by millions, and hated by practically everyone in the Marvel Universe. The character dates back to the early 1990's, when he first showed up in New Mutants. I'm. to precisely sure which one it was, but I believe it was issue #7. If I'm wrong, I apologize but I've no way of looking up the answer, and quite frankly when I publish this Monday morning, I'll. it have enough coffees in my barely coherent ass to give a shit to fix it, as I'll likely be struggling just to see the screen when logging on.
Deadpool himself is a joke-spewing machine, which is something that is usually hit or miss, as it can become so sophomoric, that even a pre-pubescent shitstain wouldn't laugh if even coaxed with a pair of stripper titties. Still, the film was written by the same team which brought us Zombieland, and despite the acting qualities of the nearly catatonic Jesse Eisenberg, the film was historically we
L-received, and a legitimate original film, whereas in 2006-07 it wasn't really the most loving time for anything but generic remakes and (ironically) shit superhero movies that didn't have the scruples to be anything but massive wastes of moviegoers time.
Deadpool is written like an indie film, feels like an indie films with a sexier budget, and quite frankly succeeds for it, and I love how it feels like the odd-man-out from the rest of the pack. Deadpool as a film feels like that chunky fat-fuck at prom that went I a blue tuxedo two-sizes too small, and his mother set him up with his less dim-witted, more attractive cousin, while the rest of the. Ariel films looked like Hollhwood stand-ins. My point is, Deadpool feels like a real film, something that splits comedy, action, gratuitous violence, and just the right amount of insanity, and makes something almost beautiful. It resents it's studio for loving the other, more popular children more, but just like that dork that grows up to now a Fortune 500 tech company, it'll prove more successful than it's blonde-haired, Godly sexy half-cousin from Valhalla when the Box Office gives us the weekend stats.
I would hate-fuck to this movie, and finish on the inner thigh, that's how good this was, it's a dance with danger, it's a feeling of utter disgust that you want to share with your grandma, because deep-down, you know she'd laugh just as hard, just as often as your sick perverted mind. Deadpool was only terrible in it's authenticity, but with a 50 million dollar budget, it puts most 250 million dollar budgets to shame, and teabags their faces. Deadpool met my expectations, and was surprisingly more mature and intelligently written than I was expecting. I only wish it had more wiggle room to help cement the origin story, and had just a bit more skin in the game to do it justice.
Everyone could walk away from that film happy, even the purists like myself, that wanted all of his powers to shine through, and I even wanted him to have his malfunctioning teleporter, or to dry hump Colossus, but it let me satisfied. More-so that I honestly would've jumped back online and seen it thrice more times if the line wasn't stretching all the way to Canada. I'd rarely say that, and even more rarely mean it, but this film was definitely worth a second viewing.
Deadpool made me laugh until I cried, and I probably pissed myself a little, and that itself is a worthy description of what this film does: it takes your shitty day, and fills it with tits, chimichangas, and enough blood to fill the Congo, and send the hallowed out heads of your enemies down it filled up lime coconuts for piña coladas. It's fucking balls-out, unapologetic, politically incorrect, and probably gave a hipster early-onset vaginal growth. This movie made me so happy, I just wanted to hug the screen, and kiss Ryan Renyolds for a job well-done.
The plot....well, let's talk about the plot. Quite frankly, this does a good job at being a non-traditional origin story, however, it again feels more authentic than most asinine stories that have come about in the past few years, excluding perhaps the first and second Iron Man movies. I refuse to add that Troll of a shit-show Iron Man 3 into the ranks, as Disney has proven it sucks ass, so even with a huge setback I. The form of funding from Fox, at least they had the balls to give the reins of this movie over, and take the R-rating it greatly needed to be a success. The story follows Wade Wilson, a thug with a heart of gold, and an attitude that makes Tyler Durden look like crisis counsellor. He's a douchebag, a scoundrel, and far from a superhero. I love the exchange between Wade and Vanessa, his girlfriend on who had a more fucked-up life, it's sweet, and yet completely perturbed in its delivery.
The story goes that Wade Wilson is dying of cancer, and so he undergoes a radically new, and illegal type of super surgery thwt would bring out the mutation process in him to kill the cancer cells, but essentially make him as powerful, even more-so the likes of Sabertooth and Wolverine. The process is usually done via the Weapon X program, where X-23 was also conceived. She shows up in fil as well in one of the shitty X-Men movies, but we are talking about Deadpool here. So this seems more akin to thwt process that Magneto uses to make humans turn into mutants, but it's still quite an effective take on his origin story. The process makes him look like "an avacado had sex with an older, more disgusting avacado." One of the best retorts I've heard in a film, bar-none.
The plot thickens as he searches out the man who made him the monster he's become, Francis. This leads to perhaps the most "Marvel" of exchanges, which Francis asking Wade what his name is, and it attempting to be a run-on joke, I'd say thwt this was added in by Fox to be more a disturbance, and show of executive power, rather than the annoyance of the writers who really were just that fucking awesome through-and-through. Still, even as an annoying plot gag, it falls short of the unforgiving shit-show garbage of "The Mandarin" in Iron Man 3. Whoever said they liked that movie is a fucking tool, and should be banned from ever watching film again, because if you are a critic, you fail at life.
The plot unfolds when it's discovered that Vanessa has been kidnapped by Francis, who really does a stellar job at being a villian, and I might add, he's almost so terrible, he might just be loveable. I don't want to ruin anything for anyone that the trailer has already told you, but there isn't much here that isn't straightforward, and that's a good thing, and a nice steady change of pace. The real conflict is supposed to be Colossus' attempt to show Deadpool the benefits, the "moments" when once should do their best to be a hero, and Deadpool clearly not giving a fuck. Deadpool is gonna do what Deadpool is going to do. He's not a role model, hell he's a flat-out slut that does whatever the hell he wants because he's the closest thing to a god that isn't Thor or Loki in the Marvel Universe.
Deadpool is an everyman's superhero, even with the powers, there's something mundane, and mortal about his composure. He's flawed by his powers, and by his choices in life. He covers his internal pain that comes through with feint passings of time, but through the modern Frankenstein monster, there is a lot of poor decisions that hide a cowardice which comes from ever exposing too much emotion at once. He's a soldier, a killer, an anti-hero, but that's the wrong moniker: Deadpool is a straight-up villian that we want so badly to be the hero, but quite frankly, the question more speaks to us as to what categorizes a hero in the first place.
Deadpool isn't supposed to be the role model for kids, he's not supposed to be anything else but spoiled with power, and totally self-obsessed, a narcissist that has the face of grounded up chop meat. He's certainly adult-friendly, but comes off like a child at heart, even when he's slicing and diving the heads off so many badder bad guys. In the end, Deadpool is the guy we all wish we could be, because we know deep down, powers wouldn't change the utter douchebags we all truly are, because quite frankly, life makes you a dick, and the best kind of dick to be, is a fucking funny lunatic of a dick.
Thank you for reading the Malacast Editorial, and I suggest you stop reading right mso, and go out and see Deadpool in theaters. If not for any other reason, do it because Ryan Renyolds is America's favorite asshole, and needs a new Ferrrari, the most pretentious of vehicles.
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