Happy Holidays to everyone, around the world. I am an official winner of the 2014 NaNoWriMo, and I would just like to say thank you one last time to all those who have supported me and seen me through the hardships of this Herculean Labor.
We are less than a full week away from Christmas, and although im don't celebrate Chrisfmas personally (I observe the Solstice with a nice cup of hot cocoa, and a candy cane stirring straw with a nice fat marshmallow on top.) I think that it's a lovely time of year, and who doesn't love to hear Silent Night lull you into a sense of pure bliss as you snooze away until December 25th?
I'm not religious, nor secular, I'm more along the lines of a nihilist when it comes to these days. I don't care about presents, because whatever I give to people throughout the year. I also am just a joy to be around during this stive season, debating the likelihood of an actual god existing, or comparing the pagan values that have been christianized and turned into a Capitalist's wet dream Don't get me wrong, I'm the shining pinnacle of capitalism, I'm one of the last young believers in the fee markt, but even I am sick of seeing such things as a Grumpy Cat DVD.
By-the-way, I've seen this movie, and it had few moments worth remembering every single Christmas,MIT was barely worth seeing the first time. Still, the Grumpy Cat lunatics will come out in an uproar saying they loved it because they are more addled thanEgyptian peasants that went to Mut for a extra seeds to lay out on the Fertile Crescent. We are reverting backwards, and I love every damn minute of it! I'd rather watch the Star Wars Christmas special every day like an Advent Calander from Tartarus, than sit through Grumpy Cat's Worst Christmas Ever! Ever again!
Personally, I'm more for giving back, and although this is the most popular time of year to give bac, I tend to do my giving whenever I damn well can, and lately that's been not as often, but hey! What can I say? I do what I can, and there're if every penny truly counts, then be thankful for the few pennies I can spare. I donate to Heifer Internwtional, because it is one of the few charities that work well, and have created jobs, and prosperity, unlike most charities here barely a quarter of the money goes to people in the most need, Heifer gives directly to the people who live in poverty in the form of food, and economic prosperity. I've always admired Heifer International, and I believe they do a great benefit to society. They're also one of the oldest charities in the United States, and one of the most trustworthy, which is a true Christmas miracle all on it's own!
I love this damn sweater, it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside! I might just get it, because I too am the proud owner of a dachshund, and she's my girl. Seriously though, the ugly Chrisfmas sweater party trend seems like something thwt was birthed by blind monks, and hipster knew-it-alls.
I truly am not a fan of the whole festive holiday party, but I do believe that we are all doomed to attend these office parities, which is fascism if I've ever seen it, and to look like drunken morons trying to all hit on the hot secretary that has two kids, a mortgage, and a part-time stripper gig, which I fully support! A woman's body is her own, I say! Still, I hate these damn parties, and so I never attend, even if they are a casual gathering. In this way I'm a Scrooge, because I cannot stand the asinine, faux happiness thwt comes from people trying not to open a vein, and then the actual happy people who are so sickening with giant smiles of pendulum teeth, chattering down to cut into my skull. Ugh! I personally am sickened by all of thwt, and then some! Still, I'm a victim of circumstance, and more precisely, a victim of being a nice guy.
You see, I'm always a "Yes Man" except when someone asks me if I want to see a dead body, them I'm like a "Hell Yes! Man." Still, I despise these self-promoting parties, where I would rather be home, rubbing my ever-rising stomach from gouging on too many fudge brownies. Are those brownies laced with some holiday cheer you ask? I'd tell, but I wouldn't want to be on Santa's Naughty List, but I have a prescription, I swear, so everything's cool.
To be honest, Halloween is my Christmas, and I never forget to be festive during this time of year: I put the witch up next to the Santa blow-up, I have the Alien and the Predator double-teaming a sheep from the Nativity scene, and of course, I play hide-the-baby-Jesus with my neighbor's ornaments, because it's truly a joyous holiday, and the baby in manager makes for an excellent football! Which I'd also rather be watching than attending some hellish party! Playoffs and nights of drinking heavily, while vomiting all over my friend's Tom Brady Jersey, while screaming "Big Blue!" Is the true meaning of the holiday cheer and jeer.
It's a shame that all I ever do is wish for Christmas to mosey right along, bid a big screw you to the New Year, and get to a few holiday: Groundhog Day. That's right my second favorite observance in the world involves a cuddly ground rat doing a better job at predicting the weather than Al Roker could do in a two-day straight long joke of a weather forecast. That's right, the groundhog is my personal hero, because it invokes the sentiments that I hold most dear: blameless prediction. The Groundhog Day festivities involve most people getting up so early, they never went to bed the day before, going to the small town of Punxsutawney, getting hammered, and booing/cheering a rodent. I've done some really stupid things when I was drunk: I've had sex with people I don't remember, I've made eye contact with a priest as I was pissing in the confession booth, and I've even voted Democrat! I've never in my life got so shit-faced, that I was up at the break of dawn, booing a groundhog for bad weather predictions. Now if that's not truly an American pastime you can get behind, then move to Syria, and join the rest of the terrorists you malcontent hippie!
Still, I love Groundhog Day, I truly spend more time and energy, and sometimes money on that fifteen minutes until Phil comes out of his stump, and weasels his way into our intoxicated, barely-standing hearts.
I don't have a picture of a groundhog, but they basically look like big old rats, so you can use that great gift of imagination to visualize one with a top hat and a catchy phrase underneath.
Finally, I just want to wish you all the best, this will not be my last post for the year, that's this upcoming Monday,'or Tuesday, haven't decided yet, or when I'll be on next. Still, Happy Kwanzaa to everyone, and don't forget to wish all your pagan friends a happy Saturnalia, and celebrate the Saturnalia way: by going door-to-door singing Dio in the nude. "Holy Diver! My balls are freezing in the midnight breeze, oh won't you cover them for me?" Yes, I know those aren't the words, but still have an awesome time poking up egg not, which always taste better coming back up I think! Oh, and don't forget that Malacast Agent's new Psycho-Mac podcast episodes are up on Spreaker! Enjoy that, and I'm wishing you all a productive New Year!
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